Effective Listening: Do You Listen?

Do you ever say to someone, "I hear you." but when the person is done talking you can't remember half of what the person just said?  I know I do that to my wife, Sara more often then I should.  I might be hearing what she is saying, but I'm not listening, so it's as if it comes in one ear and goes out the other.  So, do you listen?  Do you know how to be an effective listener?

There is a difference between hearing and listening.  Hearing is when the sound, words or music comes to your ears, but there is not much comprehension, so not much is retained.  Listening, on the other hand, at least what people call active listening, is when you intently hang on a person's every word and try to comprehend it as much as possible.  When you listen you devote your full attention to that person.

 So you might be wondering why in the world I am writing about listening today.  Well listening should be a very important part of our lives.  (I have to admit I do not practice this as much as I should, but I'm working on it.)  It helps in our relationships, in the work environment, in the learning environment and even out in the environment.  Listening correctly helps you learn, comprehend, retain, observe, relate, etc.  It is so powerful if everyone listened the way we are supposed to we would all be much more successful in life, have healthier relationships and be more in tune with the world around us.

Here are some key tips to effective listening that will help get us on the right track:

1.  Make eye contact when someone is talking to you.  I know this may be hard at first, but it lets the person know you care and are listening.
2.  Get rid of distractions.  If you are watching TV or something and someone came in and wanted to talk you could turn the TV off or, if you just had to finish what you are watching, politely tell that person that you will listen as soon as the show is over so they have your full attention.
3.  If you aren't talking to someone, but are just outside and want to listen to what's around you, close your eyes (try to be sitting for this).  It is a known fact that when you can't see, your other senses are enhanced.  This might take some time, but it works.  Concentrate on what you are hearing and you will be able to listen.
4.  When someone is talking to you, focus on what the person is saying, but also keep in mind their body language.  These can often conflict with each other and you may have to ask questions to get clarification, which comes to the last point.
5.  Ask questions.  This not only clarifies or expounds upon what the person previously told you, but it gets you both involved in the conversation and you are most likely to remember what was said.

So let's go out there and be good listeners.  Everyone likes a good listener!

Helping you get the upper hand,
Peter Bunn
Rising Leader

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