Effective Listening: Do You Listen?

Do you ever say to someone, "I hear you." but when the person is done talking you can't remember half of what the person just said?  I know I do that to my wife, Sara more often then I should.  I might be hearing what she is saying, but I'm not listening, so it's as if it comes in one ear and goes out the other.  So, do you listen?  Do you know how to be an effective listener?

There is a difference between hearing and listening.  Hearing is when the sound, words or music comes to your ears, but there is not much comprehension, so not much is retained.  Listening, on the other hand, at least what people call active listening, is when you intently hang on a person's every word and try to comprehend it as much as possible.  When you listen you devote your full attention to that person.

 So you might be wondering why in the world I am writing about listening today.  Well listening should be a very important part of our lives.  (I have to admit I do not practice this as much as I should, but I'm working on it.)  It helps in our relationships, in the work environment, in the learning environment and even out in the environment.  Listening correctly helps you learn, comprehend, retain, observe, relate, etc.  It is so powerful if everyone listened the way we are supposed to we would all be much more successful in life, have healthier relationships and be more in tune with the world around us.

Here are some key tips to effective listening that will help get us on the right track:

1.  Make eye contact when someone is talking to you.  I know this may be hard at first, but it lets the person know you care and are listening.
2.  Get rid of distractions.  If you are watching TV or something and someone came in and wanted to talk you could turn the TV off or, if you just had to finish what you are watching, politely tell that person that you will listen as soon as the show is over so they have your full attention.
3.  If you aren't talking to someone, but are just outside and want to listen to what's around you, close your eyes (try to be sitting for this).  It is a known fact that when you can't see, your other senses are enhanced.  This might take some time, but it works.  Concentrate on what you are hearing and you will be able to listen.
4.  When someone is talking to you, focus on what the person is saying, but also keep in mind their body language.  These can often conflict with each other and you may have to ask questions to get clarification, which comes to the last point.
5.  Ask questions.  This not only clarifies or expounds upon what the person previously told you, but it gets you both involved in the conversation and you are most likely to remember what was said.

So let's go out there and be good listeners.  Everyone likes a good listener!

Helping you get the upper hand,
Peter Bunn
Rising Leader

Want a more stress free life and be able to be home with your family? Learn how to empower yourself with this experience: www.PeterBunnHasFun.com

Do You Add Value To People's Lives?

Some of you might be wondering, "What in the world is this guy talking about?  Value???"  But really, have we sat down and thought about this before?  What has become of my life lately?  Am I trying to help others and try to add value to their lives or am I looking out for "me?"  What am I contributing to the world that would give them something they can use and/or apply in their daily lives?  These are the kinds of questions I ask myself when I try to figure out if I have anything to give anybody that would be useful to them.

I would like to share 3 actions you can take that will bring value into people's lives and give them a sense of confidence and trust in you and what you bring to the table:

1. Listen.  To give value, you must be a good listener.  Have you ever tried to just listen to someone share something with you without saying a single word?  I know, it's hard, but possible.  You would be amazed how much you learn about someone just by listening.  Listening is a very powerful tool in learning what people are thinking and experiencing.  It also provides a great resource for ideas on types of value to provide that would be pertinent to your audience or surrounding group of people.
2. Learn.  Learning from people with experience or expertise in something that is unique or worth sharing with others is another great way to provide value.  We should be learning all the time.  That is a process that never ends and your brain never gets tired of or runs out of room for information (interesting how that is, but that's a whole other story).
3. Ask yourself, "What do they value?"  When you do points one and two, this one comes much easier.  It is always good to know your prospects and what they are asking for.  Our son, Jesse, makes that quite easy.  He always tells exactly what he wants.  Sometimes he is even demanding of it, although he is only two. :) It may be this easy to find out what people value.  Sometimes it may take some research and maybe using your listening and learning skills, but it's worth it in the end and you learn a whole lot about people.

So, again, I ask, "Do you provide value to people's lives?"  Think about it.  Maybe today is the day to start.  You would be surprised how much your life changes when you give to others instead of being on the receiving end.
 
Helping you get the upper hand,
Peter Bunn
Rising Leader

Want a more stress free life and be able to be home with your family? Learn how to empower yourself with this experience: www.PeterBunnHasFun.com

I just put up another post on my blog about visualization. Check it out at http://ping.fm/1o1lo

Do You Visualize?

I have learned a lot lately about the importance of visualization in order to reach my goals in life.  So I wanted to share what I have learned thus far to help you accomplish more than you ever thought you could imagine.

What is visualization anyway?  What does it mean?  According to Webster's dictionary, visualize or visualization means, "To see or form a mental image of. The act or process of interpreting in visual terms or of putting into visible form."  This is a great definition because it explains exactly what you do when you visualize.

So what do you mean by visualize, Peter?  Well, let me explain it this way:
When I started working on getting my home business up and running, my mentor, Juan Walker, asked me why I was doing what I was doing.  He said, "Why are you here?  Why are you doing this?"  He went on to explain that knowing your "why" is the most important thing in this business.  It's what keeps you going each day and it is the core of your daily visualization.

So the first thing I had to do was identify my why.  It came down to two things; my desire to be with my family and watch Jesse grow up and my desire to be debt free.  My next step was to create something that showed those reasons in a visual way, so I got pictures of us being together and pictures that resembled freedom from debt.  I personally picked things that provoked strong emotions when I looked at them.  I then made a collage of those pictures and posted them right in front of my desk so I would have no excuse but to see them.  Over each collage I wrote my goals and the feelings I would experience when I meet them.  I also quantified those goals with numbers and dates.  This was my "act of putting in visible form" these two "why's."

I then took this a little further to add even more meaning and emotion to the visualization process.  I chose a song for each that would invoke the feelings I would experience when I had accomplished my goals.  My daily routine now is to play each song, and as I do, visualize those feelings and look at the pictures to put into reality those feelings.  I get goosebumps every time I play those songs without fail.  That is how powerful it is.  This is what gives you that drive to keep going.  In doing this, it is always in front of you why you are doing what you are doing.

It doesn't stop there though.  I also wrote a vision statement that outlined my goals in five years.  This was written in present tense as if it had already happened.  I put as much detail as I could into it.  The more detail the better.  It is recommended to write a vision statement for five years, one year, six months, 90 days and one month.  Then you take the most relevant one and post it in places where you will see it throughout the day.  Read it first thing in the morning every day and make it the last thing you read every night.  This way it is always in your mind and you start living it.  This is a very powerful way to reach goals and this is how the very wealthy do it.  You have to have a game plan if you are going to accomplish anything.

Well, I think I've shared enough.  This is only the tip of the iceberg, but it's enough to get anyone started on the right track.  The only way to do it though, is to take action!


Helping you get the upper hand,
Peter Bunn
Rising Leader

Want a more stress free life and be able to be home with your family? Learn how to empower yourself with this experience: www.PeterBunnHasFun.com

Life Lessons Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

As a new father, I have begun to learn a lot from our son as he grows up.  There is something about the innocence of a child that can teach you so many life lessons.  I thought I would share a few with you.

 Jesse is two and a half now, and is getting where he can be quite conversational.  This has been so fun for Sara and I as he learns new vocabulary and uses it.  We have noticed a trend in him bringing what he learns from some of the kids at childcare back home with him.  He's gone through the "No way!" phase, the "Pow, pow!" phase and is still using a few others he has seemed to pick up at daycare.  These have provided us with the opportunity to teach Jesse what is good and right vs. what is bad and wrong.  Lesson number one is that there is right and wrong in this world.  Depending on how you are brought up, you learn that difference rather well or not so well.  In this case it is an important job of the parent to teach the children the difference between right and wrong and the ability to discern between the two.

Kids do the cutest things.  There is not a day that goes by that Jesse doesn't do something cute.  It's always surprising too.  I think part of it is because kids are still learning about life and things around them, and when they ask a question and comment on something, we think it's cute.  But in actuality they are just learning.  One of Jesse's favorite questions right now is "Why?"  We will explain the reason to him and then he would ask the same question about the explanation.  That goes back and forth for awhile, then we just have to smile at each other and laugh.  Lesson number two is that kids are kids and they are some of the best learners on earth.  If you want to learn how to learn, watch and listen to the kids for awhile.  They are masters at asking questions.  Asking questions is one of the best ways to learn.

There are some bad things we can learn from our kids too.  Kids naturally are selfish (remember the famous two-year-old's phrase, "Mine."), liars and can be deceitful.  I do not say this in a bad way about the kids.  There is nothing they can do about it.  It's hard-wired into them.  No one has to teach them how to do any of that.  What we do need to teach them is how to be truthful, selfless, thoughtful, caring and honest.  So the third life lesson is to learn from our kids the mistakes they make that we make as adults too in order to avoid making them again, and to teach our children to do the same.

I know this was a little different from my previous posts, but I felt the need to share.  I am proud to be a parent and can't wait to teach my son life lessons that will have a positive influence on his life and his life decisions.


Helping you get the upper hand,
Peter Bunn
Rising Leader

Want a more stress free life and be able to be home with your family? Learn how to empower yourself with this experience: www.PeterBunnHasFun.com